I’m surrendering a chunk of space this week in my column to someone with a message that is more significant than anything I had on my mind today.

Susej Burks Thompson, my youth group leader when I was a teenager, posted some of her thoughts Monday night on faith, prayer and our relationships with God or any other higher power.

For some background, Susej Is a mother of five, ages ranging from 16-24, and has been a 12-stepper for 16 years in Celebrate Recovery and Al-Anon. She joined the ministries after her children’s father developed liver disease, leading to his death at age 37. 

A devout Catholic, she is the faith formation and pastoral music director at Our Lady of the Holy Souls Catholic Church. As kids, we got a kick out of her name, “Jesus” spelled backward, but I truly don’t know many people who embody Christ-like values and characteristics as much as Susej. She wears her faith openly and is always ready and willing to help those in need, no matter where they stand with theirs. 

On March 31, her home in Little Rock was entirely destroyed by the EF3 tornado that tore 34 miles through my old stomping grounds. 

Since then, she has been sharing her #TornadoDiaries stories, which range from funny moments with her children to her fears after having lost everything and her hope coming out on the other side of it. There’s a great TV news piece on her recently after a nearly 30-year-old photo of her marriage to her late husband was found miles from their home yet returned.

Her stories will make you laugh and cry, but her best ones make you think. This one stuck with me since I read it, and I believe it is worth sharing:

“I posted this pic of (only part of) my sacramental hoard recently as a post-tornado joke, but I’ve thought a lot about it in the days that have passed. 

This tangle of prayer beads could also describe my prayer life over the last couple years. Pre-tornado, I had suffered several personal setbacks, struggled with depression and lost part of my vision. 

Wait, what? You mean the lady who sings at church isn’t always happy and singing from her passionate faith? No, she’s a real person who isn’t perfect and, though she loves Him dearly, doesn’t always feel like singing about Jesus. 

Sometimes, she sings from desperation, pain, doubt, sadness, weariness or whatever she’s feeling that day. 

Sometimes, she wants to stay home as much as you do, but she’s understands that relationships aren’t always driven by feelings. 

You may be wondering how I just made the jump from “prayer” to “relationship,” but prayer is relationship. In the Catechism, that is my favorite definition of prayer: “relationships.”

I have struggled to pray for quite a while now, in spite of my incessant dedication to praying in song in my church community. Does that make me a hypocrite? Probably not, but in case you think it does, I’ll go ahead be the first to admit that I am one and I think that’s simply a part of being human. 

I think we all are, and it’s OK to admit that. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love God. I am actually very honest with Him about what I feel, what I’m upset about, what I need, and where I am spiritually. 

Even when I’m not praying formally, my soul is in communication with Him because I am in relationship with Him. When my prayer life suffers, it can cause damage to my relationship with God, or it can be caused by my damaged relationship with God. There are answers and healing for both. 

Something that I find very interesting as a lifetime 12-stepper is that, regardless of whether or not you are a Christian, the program emphasizes the need for “prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him.” 

Everyone needs prayer. Everyone needs a relationship with a higher power. In fact, I think everyone prays in their own way. Isn’t that beautiful? 

It would take me days (or maybe entire book *hint hint*) to tell you all of the changes, struggles, healing, pain, joy, discovery, devastation, tearing down and rebuilding that has been happening in my life for the last few years. 

In fact, I have often called it “my unraveling.” Much like these beads, my prayers, life, and relationship with God needed to be untangled. While that has often been and continues to be difficult, it was and is still necessary for my healing and union with God. 

I was praying some big prayers before the tornado took almost everything I had in life. 

I was praying for a new house, to be able to trust God and surrender to His will and to be able to let go of things

And guess what? I’m getting a new house. (Sad, but true), I am growing in trust and surrendering to God’s will for my life and I have let go. 

I was worried about so many things before May 31. I was carrying so many burdens. I was in middle of countless unfinished projects. And then, everything I couldn’t let go of was either gone or didn’t matter more than just being alive and knowing my family was safe. 

God answered my prayers, and I am in more peace today than I have been in for a good while. The Bible speaks of “peace that surpasses all understanding that will guard your heart,” and I can relate to that right now. 

It doesn’t make sense how much peace I have right now, and I am so grateful. Not only is that peace guarding my heart, but I am guarding my peace by praying as much as I can in the midst of a very chaotic time, and also by staying close to my community, the sacraments, and going to Al-Anon. 

Sometimes, my only prayer is the awareness of my Higher Power’s presence in all this, my gratefulness to be so loved and cared for, my willing to continue to try to trust God in spite of how hard my life has been — oh, and singing when I don’t feel like it. 

And that’s enough. 

And I am enough. 

And God is enough. 

And so are you.”

Kyle Troutman has served as the editor of the Cassville Democrat since 2014. In 2017, he was named William E. James/Missouri Outstanding Young Journalist for daily newspapers, and in 2022, he won a Golden Dozen Award from ISWINE. He may be reached at 417-847-2610 or ktroutman@ cassville-democrat.com.