There’s an old line that time heals all wounds.
I truly believe that line is true in most cases and situations in life. However, healing is never instantaneous, and it is important to remember that recovery is a process, which has no exact timeline.
The saying is often misinterpreted as “only time is needed to heal wounds,” which we unfortunately know isn’t the case in many complex situations.
The past 365 days have put that adage to the test for me, as my sweet and incredible Mom, Adella Horner, passed away July 16, 2023, on her 90th birthday.
In the process of grief, I have learned a lot about myself and in that process, I put together some lessons I learned from Mom.
Mom was born in the midst of the Great Depression. Instead of being resentful or bitter toward those with more, Mom and her family had a culture of gratitude. Yes, things were tough at times, and sacrifices had to be made. However, they were grateful for their God given blessings and their opportunity to live and work in the farmland of Barry County.
• Encouragement — having been a child of the depression, Mom understood, more than many, how important hope and encouragement are for a person to make it in life, regardless of your age. One of the earliest examples of this was when I started to play jazz music in school.
Playing jazz isn’t for everyone and can definitely be difficult for a 13-year-old to grasp. Mom saw that I was struggling and went to my beloved jazz band teacher, Russ Robinson, for advice. What they came up with was a plan that truly changed the direction of my music aptitude and my life.
Through their encouragement and direction, they provided me with a path that gave me so much joy and achievement. And, I ended up going to Drury University on a jazz music scholarship. The confidence and the sense of accomplishment that followed has been a part of every challenge I have faced and surmounted in my life.
• Reaching out — Mom was truly interested in the lives of her friends and family. She was continually reaching out to see how things were going. Especially, if someone was going through a tough time (medical tests, family discord, work situations), Mom was in your corner.
Mom also believed in and lived by some of the following attributes: • The importance of family, friends, and food. Mom was the glue for our family and her friends. Her love and encouragement were unconditional. She knew the importance and the joy of bringing people together while enjoying her incredible food.
• The importance of seeing the good in people and situations.
• Never let a bully take control of your daily life, goals or your beliefs.
• Stand up for those who don’t have a voice or whose voice has been drowned out.
• The love of children and their sense of possibility.
• Having a sense of humor and how it can make life so much better.
• The importance of public education.
• Love of church and the satisfaction and joy that comes from serving others.
• Love and support of the pastors serving the Cassville United Methodist Church.
Having been a member of this church for 70 years, Mom keenly knew and appreciated how tough it can be to be the pastor of a church. Mom loved and supported every pastor that attended to our church during her time period as a member of the Cassville United Methodist Church. She served many years on the staff parish board and had on more than one occasion come to the defense of pastors when she believed that they were not being treated fairly or in a gracious manner.
In addition to the lessons from Mom, I came to understand more about grief than I had previously thought. Recently, I saw a quote about grief from the author Jamie Anderson, which really captured that feeling for me: grief I’ve learned, is really just love.
It’s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of our eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.
Mom believed that, yes, it’s important to look back and treasure the memories in our lives, learn lessons from our past, but we all need something to look forward to in life. That forward looking approach brought Mom and those around her so much joy in her incredible 90 years on this planet.
Thank you, Mom, for your incredible lessons and love.
Jon Horner is a local community bank president, published author, newspaper columnist, and motivational speaker. He can be reached at jonhorner77@gmail.com
