Unintended consequence is a term I have heard many times as a journalist.
While it can be used both positively and negatively, it typically is used to explain an unfavorable situation as the result of a newly implemented policy.
I have also used it many times as a parent. In fact, there has been a push to focus on natural consequences, rather than punishment, for children. This allows the parent to help the child prepare for adulthood by linking their actions to the their consequences with no outside forces.
A natural consequence relates to the behavior, without parental interference.
As a parent who tries to be mindful and practice gentle parenting, sometimes that is hard to do. It isn’t about letting your child “get away” with something; it is about helping them to focus on the real issues and come to understand how their actions affect them and those around them.
Though unintended consequences usually carry a negative connotation, happy consequences cannot be overlooked. I learned a bit about that last month on our family vacation.
I had a lot of worries about getting on a plane and getting on a boat, both experiences for the first time. I was convinced I wouldn’t have a good time as I would have motion sickness and anxiety. But to my surprise, it was much better than I expected. At least the cruise ship was — I’m not sure when I will fly again.
The day of our shore excursion in the Bahamas, I was in a lot of pain from walking around Disney two days before and I hadn’t really slept well, so I wasn’t in a great mood.
When we reboarded the boat, I decided to take some time and grab some lunch by myself, however the line for the Mongolian food I wanted was taking forever. A gentleman in front of me tried to make small talk, and I kind of blew him off. But, if you know me, at all it took all of 5 minutes before I couldn’t help but to talk to someone.
I told him about our vacation and that I was still in a lot of pain from walking around Disney, which surprised me because we live next to a theme park in Missouri.
He said, “Six Flags?” I said, “No, I live in southern Missouri near Silver Dollar City.”
He got his phone out, and it felt as though the conversation may have ended, but a couple of minutes later, he showed me a photo from 1973 of him, his brother and his sister walking around Silver Dollar City.
It turned out he grew up in St. Louis. I told him he needed to bring his adult children back to Missouri and visit the theme park again after all these years.
After about 30 minutes of chatting, I asked him why he took so many cruises. Turns out he was the comedian on the ship. That made sense. Our conversation thus far had been hilarious. It was nice that he seemed to think I was funny too.
After another 15 minutes I was wondering why no one in my family had come to look for me, but I said it was probably because I was in a bit of a bad mood. He said, “They’re probably just hoping you jumped overboard.”
Within a few minutes, Kyle and the girls rounded the corner looking for me, so I introduced everyone. My new friend said that the following day he had two family shows, and two adults only shows, and we should come, so we did.
I was able to talk to him again for a minute before the show and told him my family was sitting in the front row. Our entire party was supposed to be at the family show, but my mother-in-law and sister-in-law showed up late — like the last 2 minutes of the show late.
To this interruption, even at the end of his show, he recapped all the funniest jokes he made in about 45 seconds — including one about my family wanting me to jump overboard — specifically for those two. Their faces were a bit pink, but the crowd was just as red from the laughter.
Then, the adults all came together to watch his first adults only show of the night which was him drawing lines and joking about the differences of Catholic church and a Southern Baptist church experience, and as my husband was raised Catholic, it got plenty of laughs out of us. The entire room seemed to think it was just as funny as we did. We decided we would make it to the last show of the night as well.
During this show, he played matchmaker with a young couple of singles in the crowd and had us all rolling with laughter. Kyle and I managed to see him again after the show and told him how much we enjoyed all three, but also that we would love to see him back in Missouri if he ever made it this way on a comedy tour.
The comedian is Percy Crews. We saw him three times in one day and each and every time it was different and fun. As I told this story to friends and family when we got back, I kept thinking that was an experience I couldn’t have planned. It was an unintended experience of my deciding to put my fears aside and board a plane and a cruise ship.
If I can learn that from my experience, think about what children can learn from taking some time to focus on the real issues and the natural consequences of their actions, rather than controlling the outcome of their every move, aiming for obedience and perfection.
TroutMom says, “There is a difference in learning from and experience and learning to be obedient. This will help them with critical thinking and problem solving skills, which is what we want in the end.”.
Jordan Troutman is an Owner and General Manager of the Cassville Democrat, a wife, a mother of two daughters, and a graduate of Capella University with a Bachelor’s in Marriage and Family Therapy. She may be reached at jtroutman@ cassville-democrat. com.
