Donnie Spears: Depression and doubt

Depression — I never thought very much about it or how real it is; how it affects so many people today.

Depression is real, and it can hit you when life is going bad, when life is just rolling along, and even when life is going great. The Mayo Clinic describes Depression as a mood disorder that causes sadness and loss of interest.

First, I will tell you I am no expert at all, nor do I have any magic cure. All I can do is tell you my story. On Feb. 5, 2017, I was leaving the nursing home after visiting my mom as I did every week. She had been there four years with Alzheimer’s; most weeks she didn’t know who I was.

I was heading to Freeman’s hospital where my dad wasn’t doing well at all. It all began to weigh on me. The voice in my head said, this will be your life one day. I began to cry diving down the road and thought about all my dad had done for God.

See, he had been a pastor all my life and told everyone he talked with about Jesus and this is what he gets. I began to doubt everything I knew to be true — I began to doubt God.

I was doubting the God I trusted. I was looking at the world, I had taken my eyes off Jesus. Let me tell you, as a Christian, when you do this, you will sink. Depression will come up on you. It’s so heavy you feel so helpless, lost and weak that you lose purpose.

I called out to Jesus, said His name out loud “Jesus.” The Holy Spirit of God began to flood my mind with His Word.

I thought of Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 26:3-4 “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in Yah, the Lord is everlasting strength.

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.”

Matthew 11:28 “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

1 John 3:1 “Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us that we should be called the children of God.”

I began to think about Peter and how he walked on the water toward Jesus. He was doing so well until he took his eyes off Jesus and began to look at the waves, all the troubles that had surrounded him. This Depression and doubt I was in did not come up on me because of the problems I was facing, but because I had taken my eyes off Jesus.

I had let the troubles of this world take control of my thoughts and my emotions. Maybe you’re there right now.

Maybe you’re wondering how? Why? Is there any hope? Is there any way?

Let me ask you this question: Who spoke this world into existence? Who said I will never leave you or forsake you?

Psalms 121:1-2 “I will lift up my eyes to the hills — From whence comes my help? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.”

Study the word of God, fill your heart with scriptures, and when you find yourself being overcome by doubt and fear, I would encourage you to stand on the Bible.

His word is solid, unchanging it is truth.

Donnie Spears is the pastor at Corinth Baptist Church near Cassville. He may be reached at 417-847-4165.

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