I have always been very close to my parents, and their presence in my life is something I deeply cherish.
My mom was my best friend and biggest cheerleader. My dad has always been my motivator — the one who pushes me to do better and never give up. Who I am today is because of them. As they faced health challenges, my greatest fear was losing them.
In January, that fear became reality. My mom passed away after a long battle with heart and kidney failure. Her absence is profoundly felt, not just by me but also by my husband and our three children. As a grieving daughter, I struggled to find the balance between navigating my own loss and helping my three sons understand theirs. At 18, 12, and 6, they are each processing her passing in different ways, but I didn’t anticipate how difficult it would be to guide them through it.
My 6-year-old, in particular, has had the hardest time. He attended her service, but the reality of Nana not being in the church pew, cheering at ballgames or sitting in her chair at Nana and Pop’s house has been heartbreaking for him to grasp.
Despite my efforts to explain and comfort him, his sadness remained. So, I turned to what I know best — books. Stories have always been a source of comfort for him, a gentle way to explore emotions and ideas. Through this grief journey, I’ve found several books that have helped us navigate our loss, individually and together.
Gone From My Sight: The Dying Experience by Barbara Karnes, RN This book was given to us by the hospital when my mom was admitted to hospice, shortly before she passed away. My family and I found great comfort in its guidance, as it explained the dying process and helped us understand what to expect and what questions to ask the nurses during her final stages. We wanted to ensure my mom received the best care in her last moments and sought to understand the process as fully as possible. Even now, I find myself returning to this book to help me process those final days of her life.
God Gave Us Heaven by Lisa Tawn Bergren My son and I often have conversations with my mom in heaven. We imagine what she’s doing, who she’s with, and if she can see and hear us. This book explores those questions, sparking meaningful discussions that keep her spirit and memory alive. Rooted in our faith, it reflects our belief that she is in heaven, where we will one day reunite with her.
Something Very Sad Happened: A Toddlers Guide to Understanding Death by Dr. Bonnie Zucker This book played a crucial role in helping my son grasp the finality of his Nana’s passing. It encourages readers to personalize the story by changing the grandparent’s name, making it feel as though the book was written specifically for their loved one. My son had difficulty understanding that he would never see my mom again. He heartbreakingly believed she simply didn’t want to visit him anymore. The book’s clear, straightforward explanation of death helped him comprehend its true meaning, offering him the clarity he needed during a difficult time.
The Invisible String by Patrice Karst This book has been a constant in my children’s lives, one I’ve read to them at various stages to help them understand that we are all connected and that love never fades, even when someone is no longer physically present. It was especially meaningful when my husband’s career required extensive travel, and my sons struggled with his absence. I turned to it again when they started school, when friends moved away, when we lost loved ones, and now, as they grieve the passing of their Nana. This touching story serves as a beautiful reminder that love creates an unbreakable bond, no matter the distance or circumstance.
It’s OK That You’re Not Ok by Megan Devine I bought this book because of the first line: “This really is as bad as you think. No matter what anyone else says, this sucks.” And it does. Losing my mom has been incredibly hard. I watched my dad say goodbye to his wife of 51 years on their anniversary, and her absence weighs on him more than words can say. Our family is adjusting to life without the person who held us all together. The traditions and joy my mom brought to our lives feels different now. Navigating life without her is a challenge, but I’m doing my best. This book is helping me take those first steps forward.
Michelle Hilburn is a librarian at Purdy schools. She may be reached at mhilburn@purdyk12.com.
